


Partly Strong, and Partly Broken

by DoreyG



Category: Batman: The Animated Series
Genre: Apologies, Emotional neglect, Gen, Implied Relationships, M/M, Responsibility, Unhealthy Relationships, difficult conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-25
Updated: 2014-09-25
Packaged: 2018-02-18 18:28:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2357852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DoreyG/pseuds/DoreyG
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The last thing that he expects to see when he opens his door is Matt Hagen's stupid, perfect face.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Partly Strong, and Partly Broken

The last thing that he expects to see when he opens his door is Matt Hagen's stupid, perfect face. Smirking at him fondly as if there's nothing wrong in the world.

Given this, he thinks that his reaction is _entirely_ understandable, " _fuck_!"

"Now, _Teddy_ ," Matt chides, in that old voice that somehow always managed to make him annoyed and amused at exactly the same time, "is that any way to greet your old friend? _Especially_ when he returns to you after such a long absence?"

He flinches for a second, the old urge to just roll over and submit rising up again...

He pushes it _down_ , takes a step back and draws himself up with a harsh breath through his nose, "it is when that old friend returns to you _from the dead_. Seriously, Matt, what the _fuck_?"

Matt looks confused for a second, and then annoyed. He takes one slithering step into the apartment and... Yeah, _there_. He's not normal, everything _hasn't_ gone back to how it was before. There's a catch to his step, an oddly wet drag that has no place on a human body, "there's no need to be vulgar."

"Because only you're allowed to be vulgar?" He demands, the often ignored thought popping out of his mouth before he can quite stop it, "you're _alive_."

Matt's face twists, and not in a normal way. It makes his stomach drop, a queasy movement that makes him want to run to the bathroom, but he only raises his chin - _glares_ in reply, " I thought you'd be happy."

" _I_ thought you were dead!" He snarls, and continues to glare because it feels _good_ to finally let all this venom out of his chest - to finally expel the painful, clawing thoughts from where they've been lurking, "how am I supposed to be happy, knowing that you _lied_ to me? Knowing that you didn't _trust_ me enough to tell me the truth?"

Matt's face shifts again, an odd mix between anger and... Guilt, "I'm trusting you now-"

"That's not the point," but for the first time in a while, the first time since he saw Matt on their first film together and felt the world shift around him, he stands his ground. He grits his teeth, and keeps his chin lifted, and _stands his ground_ , "the point _is_ that you used me again, just like you always have. And you still don't see that there's anything wrong with that."

Matt-

Stares for a moment, face desperately shifting.

Matt _sighs_ , and looks down at his feet - body starting to lose definition again, face melting in a way that starts a sick ache in his chest, "you-"

His hands bunch slowly into fists.

"...We-"

His teeth grit, an audible click in the silence of the room.

"I-"

He-

"I didn't _know_ ," Matt bursts out, and he halts - slightly taken aback by the force of it, "I thought- I thought you were okay with the status quo. I thought you wouldn't mind, since you never seemed to before."

He stares for a moment, speechless.

He closes his eyes, and tries desperately to count to ten as Matt shifts awkwardly before him, "I minded. I just... Never thought to say anything."

"Because you didn't care-?"

"Because I cared too much!" He snaps, eyes flying open and nails digging into palms, "I _adored_ you, Matt, and I thought that if I ever said anything against you that would be it. That you, and your huge ego, would leave and I'd never get the chance to be close to you ever again. I was afraid."

Matt... To his credit, looks honestly taken aback. Wide eyed and gawping, shaky in a way that is entirely different from his projected moves on a set.

"And you know the worst thing?" He continues anyway, shaking his head and laughing bitterly - a push from his lungs that hurts as badly as a knife in the back, "I don't even know if you were worth it. I don’t even know if all the fear, all the pain, was worth it at all."

Matt continues looking taken aback, eyes wide and staring.

Matt takes a deep breath of air through his half melted face, seems to sway on the spot for a long moment as if pinned there.

Matt shuffles another slow step forward, "I didn't know-"

"That makes no-!"

"I'm _sorry_."

...And he freezes, pinned to the spot himself. His mouth gaping open, his eyes going wide, his entire body oddly stilled in a way that leaves him cramped and achy and lost in a way that he's never quite been before.

"I'm sorry," Matt repeats, achingly sincere in a way that makes his heart throb painfully in his chest, "I don't know quite why, I think the Renuyu melted my brain along with everything else, but... I think this is what I remember it feeling like. And I am, from the bottom of whatever remains of my heart."

He stares for a long moment, shaky and breathless.

...He takes a deep gulp of air, and miserably squares his shoulders, "it's going to take more than that, Matt."

"How much more?"

"I don't know," he takes another deep gulp of air, closes his eyes miserably for a long few seconds and clenches his hands into fists, "I... Need time to think. Could you leave now, please? I think I need a little more time to myself."

And Matt...

Actually obeys him, in a miserable flow of sludge. Slowly turns, slumping into himself as he goes, and grinds back to the door. Shoulders dejected, but accepting; back bent, but respectful of his decision for the first time in... Ever, really.

He only glances back once, when he reaches the door. And his face is a picture that he's pretty sure he'll never be able to erase, "can I ever come back?"

"Maybe," he whispers, and manages a gaunt little smile - an _I hope so_ hovering just behind his lips, "goodbye, Matt."

He leaves silently, after that.


End file.
